Bitter mornings and sweet coffee.
Its been almost two hours since I woke up. It took me half an hour to get ready, 10 minutes to have breakfast and 15 minutes to drive to work. That's almost an hour, right? How did my entire head space managed to get so fucked up in less than an hour then?
Ill give you the answer...parents.
I don't think they realize that how you wake up pretty much determines how your entire day is going to go. I don't consider the small act of opening your eyes and lying there in bed, checking your phone as 'waking up'. I don't think a person is fully awake until you have groggily walked into the bathroom, after your regular morning news update (by that I mean Instagram, duh!), brushed your teeth and showered after which, you interact with the rest of the members of the household and finally, have a cup of coffee. If you live alone, maybe you're not fully awake until you leave the house for your regular routine, be it an early morning jog, gym, classes or work and then have coffee.
My point is, you're not fully awake until you've had a steaming hot cup of coffee. A million things could go wrong before that, that's the worst fucking part.
So, I had just stepped out of the house and the door was barely closed before my father (we go to work together) started harping on about how unhappy he is with my behaviour and how I take my parents for granted and all the other normal things that every parent says. That's the problem though, right? It has become normalized. Parents yelling at their kids, sharing their grievances and concerns about their child's behaviour to the child itself, has become so normalized that it is being ignored now. We, as children, no matter how old we are, just keep nodding our heads at everything they say because we think we've figured it out. We've figured out the loophole in getting shit from parents: just keep your head down, keep nodding and don't talk, they'll stop eventually. Do we not realize that, that's actually extremely rude or do we conveniently ignore that?
Now, parents are not stupid. They know when we're not listening. Yet they keep going in the hopes that something will stick. What a horrible feeling that must be, I feel horrible. All he wants to do is spend a little time with me, right? Is that so wrong to ask for?
On the other hand, he's exaggerating too. He's saying I'm NEVER home and how I NEVER prioritize my family. Which makes me feel like, do you even remember the times I did? The times I made you happy, the times I stayed at home to watch the football match with you? Or the times we all went for breakfast or dinner and talked about the most random things and spent a solid hour just laughing? Which leads me to think, screw you dad. I'm allowed to do what I did, stay out late or be with my friends. I don't do it that often and my friends make me happy, isn't that what you're supposed to want for me?
So here I am, not fully awake yet, feeling horrible and angry at the same time. His morning is ruined too because he's in a crappy mood. He's fought with his daughter and I've fought with my dad. Was it really that necessary?
Which brings me to my point, if I had had my coffee before this conversation, I would have probably handled it better. No good comes from anger or any negative emotion before you're fully awake.
Then comes that hot cup of coffee, in the second hour of me being awake.
You're angry and upset and you have a million things running in your head and that smell..that smell of the coffee distracts you completely.
You see that cup emanating purely good vibes and happy thoughts. This delicious smell that engulfs you into this moment of bliss before taking you over with this raging desire to take a sip, no matter how hot it is. You wrap your palms around the cup, because no matter how hot it is outside, the warmth of that cup on your hands is always comforting. You slowly bring it closer to your lips, lightly blow on it and take a small sip. Each time the sip gets bigger, the desire inside grows stronger and stronger and before you know it, you've gulped down a steaming cup of coffee and you come out of that intoxication with the biggest smile on your face.
That is when I truly wake up. So does my dad.
I look up, grin at my dad and he grins back after taking the last sip of his MUCH bigger cup of coffee. The stress lines wiped clean off his forehead.
I don't apologize or anything, I know that isn't gonna make him feel any better. I know me just being around helps. So we sit together, in silence going about our usual routine knowing he's feeling better and so am I.
Hour two ends, the third begins.
Ill give you the answer...parents.
I don't think they realize that how you wake up pretty much determines how your entire day is going to go. I don't consider the small act of opening your eyes and lying there in bed, checking your phone as 'waking up'. I don't think a person is fully awake until you have groggily walked into the bathroom, after your regular morning news update (by that I mean Instagram, duh!), brushed your teeth and showered after which, you interact with the rest of the members of the household and finally, have a cup of coffee. If you live alone, maybe you're not fully awake until you leave the house for your regular routine, be it an early morning jog, gym, classes or work and then have coffee.
My point is, you're not fully awake until you've had a steaming hot cup of coffee. A million things could go wrong before that, that's the worst fucking part.
So, I had just stepped out of the house and the door was barely closed before my father (we go to work together) started harping on about how unhappy he is with my behaviour and how I take my parents for granted and all the other normal things that every parent says. That's the problem though, right? It has become normalized. Parents yelling at their kids, sharing their grievances and concerns about their child's behaviour to the child itself, has become so normalized that it is being ignored now. We, as children, no matter how old we are, just keep nodding our heads at everything they say because we think we've figured it out. We've figured out the loophole in getting shit from parents: just keep your head down, keep nodding and don't talk, they'll stop eventually. Do we not realize that, that's actually extremely rude or do we conveniently ignore that?
Now, parents are not stupid. They know when we're not listening. Yet they keep going in the hopes that something will stick. What a horrible feeling that must be, I feel horrible. All he wants to do is spend a little time with me, right? Is that so wrong to ask for?
On the other hand, he's exaggerating too. He's saying I'm NEVER home and how I NEVER prioritize my family. Which makes me feel like, do you even remember the times I did? The times I made you happy, the times I stayed at home to watch the football match with you? Or the times we all went for breakfast or dinner and talked about the most random things and spent a solid hour just laughing? Which leads me to think, screw you dad. I'm allowed to do what I did, stay out late or be with my friends. I don't do it that often and my friends make me happy, isn't that what you're supposed to want for me?
So here I am, not fully awake yet, feeling horrible and angry at the same time. His morning is ruined too because he's in a crappy mood. He's fought with his daughter and I've fought with my dad. Was it really that necessary?
Which brings me to my point, if I had had my coffee before this conversation, I would have probably handled it better. No good comes from anger or any negative emotion before you're fully awake.
Then comes that hot cup of coffee, in the second hour of me being awake.
You're angry and upset and you have a million things running in your head and that smell..that smell of the coffee distracts you completely.
You see that cup emanating purely good vibes and happy thoughts. This delicious smell that engulfs you into this moment of bliss before taking you over with this raging desire to take a sip, no matter how hot it is. You wrap your palms around the cup, because no matter how hot it is outside, the warmth of that cup on your hands is always comforting. You slowly bring it closer to your lips, lightly blow on it and take a small sip. Each time the sip gets bigger, the desire inside grows stronger and stronger and before you know it, you've gulped down a steaming cup of coffee and you come out of that intoxication with the biggest smile on your face.
That is when I truly wake up. So does my dad.
I look up, grin at my dad and he grins back after taking the last sip of his MUCH bigger cup of coffee. The stress lines wiped clean off his forehead.
I don't apologize or anything, I know that isn't gonna make him feel any better. I know me just being around helps. So we sit together, in silence going about our usual routine knowing he's feeling better and so am I.
Hour two ends, the third begins.
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